What Is Spiritual Direction

My first contact with the Servants of the Holy Heart of Mary occurred twenty-one years ago.  I had just finished cancer treatment.  My faith had deepened significantly during that period and I felt God calling me closer.  I was fortunate enough to come into contact with Sr. Myra Lambert, who invited me to meet with her.  At the end of our hour-long conversation, she asked me if I had a spiritual director.  Thus began a wonderful relationship, although at the moment of my “yes” I wasn’t even sure what a spiritual director was.

So if, like me, you’re wondering what spiritual direction is, the simplest answer is that spiritual direction is the process of sharing with another the events of your life while watching and listening together for God’s presence. Sister Marian Cowan, CSJ defines it this way:

"Spiritual direction is a time-honored term for a conversation, ordinarily between two persons, in which one person consults another, more spiritually experienced person about the ways in which God may be touching her or his life, directly or indirectly.”

The role of the spiritual director is never about telling you what to do or giving advice.  In fact, many directors prefer the title Spiritual Companion because the word “director” sounds like one person giving directions to another, as if they had a map.   Rather, a spiritual director is always aware that it is not his/her job to lead you; that is the work of the Holy Spirit.  Guidance from the director is more likely to be in posing appropriate questions and asking for clarification in an effort to help you explore on a deeper level your experiences and reactions.  In this way, you discover for yourself the ways in which the Spirit is inviting you to grow.  The director can also be of great help by suggesting new ways to pray or books for spiritual reading as ways of deepening your relationship with God.

The gift of spiritual direction is that it leads one to a greater awareness of God’s presence in the everyday events of life and of God’s great love for each of us. The grace that the directee experiences often leads to the healing of old wounds.   And, of course, any time we are open to God’s grace we are gifted with peace.

Why not a habit?

One of the questions that I am asked is “Why don’t the sisters wear a habit?”  Most often, the inquirer will point to the fact that other professionals, such as priests and doctors, wear
 clothing that indicates their status.  If you have been wondering the same thing, here are a couple of thoughts for your consideration.

When you meet a doctor who is wearing a lab coat or a priest who is wearing a collar or a sister who is wearing a habit, does it alter the way you interact with them or do you treat them the same way that you treat others?  Most people do not see themselves as equal to these professionals.  We treat them with deference.  For many religious, the decision not to wear a habit stems from the fact that they want to have a more "real" relationship with the people whom they serve.  Pope Francis is quoted as saying, "Shepherds should smell like their sheep."  In a way, a habit prevents that from happening.  For instance, when a woman is seeing a sister for spiritual direction, a habit may act as a barrier.  She might be too embarrassed or ashamed to speak openly about parts of her life that she thinks are too earthy, such as sexual relationships, pregnancy before marriage, or birth control. She may find it hard to believe that a sister would understand or have experience with anything sexual.  Also, if the sister is wearing regular clothing, it helps to convey the important truth that the woman who has come for spiritual direction is capable of the same spiritual depth as the sister.  It is one's prayer life that makes one holy, not the clothing one wears.

It is also important to remember that being a religious sister is a vocation, not a profession.  It is more comparable to being a married woman than it is to being a doctor.  Would you expect married women to wear some particular item of clothing?  The married woman makes her vocation evident through the ring she wears.  Religious sisters also wear a ring.  Additionally, those who are not in habit wear a necklace or pin with the insignia of their order.

Remember too that we are all called to live holy lives and to serve others.  Vocation is about the context in which we do that and the limitations and benefits our vocation places on us.  A married woman has the same "duty" to pray, serve, and aspire to holiness as a religious sister, but her family must come before others.  Clearly, the married woman does not have the same freedom to relocate or to make herself available to others.  A religious sister has those freedoms.  She is able to pursue additional education wherever it is offered and is able to go on week-long, or even month-long, retreats without worrying about how the others she lives with will get along in her absence, whereas the married woman would need to consider who would care for her children, cook, etc.

What Is Vocation?

In the secular world, “vocation” refers to one’s profession.  If one is a teacher or lawyer or doctor, that is considered their vocation.  Vocation refers to what one does.  Catholics, however, recognize that we all are called to do the same thing:  to grow closer to God, to love the Lord our God with all our heart and to love our neighbor as our self.  As Catholics, the word “vocation” refers not to what we do but to the state, or way of life, to which God is calling us.

The Church recognizes four states of life:  single, married, consecrated, and ordained.  Discerning one’s vocation is more important than people give it credit for being.  Consider the following:

· Those who are called to married life, are promising to love and serve one person for the rest of their lives.  They grow closer to God through a daily life of living for the other, of placing their spouse’s needs and desires before – or at least equal to – their own.

·  In the single life, one is electing to use their gifts and talents in the service of the larger world.  Single people benefit in that they can decide to serve anywhere in the world and they do not need to be as concerned with the daily needs of another, but they sacrifice the intimacy that marriage offers.

· Those called to consecrated life make vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience.  In willingly relinquishing more worldly concerns, they model for others the life of holiness that Christ lived.  This choice opens them up to more freely give of themselves through prayer and service. In return for what they give up, they gain an ever deepening closeness to God.

·  In ordination, a man becomes the living presence of Christ among the people he is called to shepherd, especially through his sacramental role.  He gives up personal freedom and worldly advancement but gains an extended family through those he serves.

It is important to realize that no one vocation is better than another.  Each is about learning to love others, and especially God, more deeply and to follow Christ more closely.  Discernment is about discovering which of these states of life will help us to achieve that goal.